Children are gradually built up to the peak of excitement until the year-end bell rings and then chaos descends. Resolving child arrangements is tricky when parents have a soured relationship but no one can put the brakes on the end of term.
When my children talk to me about their friends, it becomes clear that the two point four family unit is no longer mainstream and that is why my research led me to many articles entitled ‘ how to survive the holidays as separated parents’. There were many recommended top tips that resonated with the parents I advise, so here goes:
- Get organised– List all of the holiday dates and assess how much support you are going to need from your ex and extended family, including grandparents. It is important for all the people who play a significant role in the childrens’ lives to fully understand the situation.
- Involve the children – The children need to feel that they are being listened to. They may not be ready for block contact especially if that is not what they are used to. When families are restructured, and new partners are introduced, arrangements have to be at your children’s pace.
- Be considerate – If you are planning to go away let your ex know, taking steps like these takes very little time but can have a massive effect on their attitude toward these arrangements.
- Be positive about the children spending time with your ex – Anxiety and/or resentment about the children being away from you is normal but if the children become aware of it, over hear conversations or simply sense ill feeling it is likely to leave them feeling torn often experiencing split loyalties that diminish the enjoyment of spending time with either parent.
The list continues and no one can anticipate how they are going to feel on the first occasion when they do the handover but co-parenting is often achievable at least on some level for most parents.
So to all parents, whatever the circumstance, I have one word -‘teamwork’, you are more than half way through and the new school term is in sight!!
Louisa Bestford, Solicitor & Head of Family, Jacksons Law Firm
T: 0191 2069617
E: lbestford@jacksons-law.com
